JULY 4TH

TODAY WAS A REALLY HARD DAY FOR ME. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE I HAVE BEEN ALIVE THAT I HAVEN’T GONE AND SEEN THE FIREWORKS. I REALLY HAVE NO MOTIVATION TO GO AND SEE THEM. I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING AT ALL TODAY. I AM REALLY STRUGGLING WITH THE THOUGHT OF BRITA BEING FOUR ON TUESDAY. I DON’T KNOW IF I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH TUESDAY! I KNOW THAT I WILL GET THROUGH IT BUT I AM SURE IT WILL BE ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS. I HAVE DONE SO WELL UP UNTIL NOW BUT I KNOW THAT EVERYDAY IS DIFFERENT WHEN I THINK ABOUT IT. I KNOW THAT IN TIME I WON’T STRUGGLE AS MUCH AND I ALSO KNOW THAT SOME YEARS WILL BE HARDER THAN OTHERS ARE. IT IS WEIRD TO ME THAT I CAN REMEMBER THINGS LIKE THEY WHERE YESTERDAY. I STILL REMEMBER CLIMBING A FENCE WHEN I AM PREGNANT SO THAT I COULD WATCH THE FIREWORKS.
JOSH AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING A LOT THIS WEEKEND AND I GUESS WE ARE GOING TO TRY AND WORK IT OUT. SO WE WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH THAT. I KNOW THAT MOST PEOPLE WON’T AGREE WITH ME AND WHAT I AM DOING, BUT I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THEY THINK. I AM GOING TO DO WITH IT AND IF PEOPLE DON’T AGREE WITH ME THEN THEY CAN JUST GO AWAY. I KNOW THAT IF I DIDN’T TRY THIS ONE LAST TIME THAT I WOULD ALWAYS WONDER WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED AND IF IT WOULD HAVE WORKED. I THINK IF HIM AND I GO AND GET COUNSELING WE CAN GET IT TO WORK.
THE GIRLS ARE LOVING THIS WARM WEATHER. THEY ARE ALWAYS OUTSIDE NOW. I AM SURE IF THEY COULD THEY WOULD STAY OUT THERE ALL THE TIME! I AM SURE GETTING TIRED OF CLEANING UP THROW UP EVERY DAY. IT IS JUST PART OF LIFE I GUESS. SINCE I HAVE LONG HAIR CATS I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE HAIRBALLS AND THE THROW UP.