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Letter To Brita

14 Nov
Written By

This post was originally posted last year during National Adoption Month. I have updated it and I feel that this can still help other birth mom’s out there.

I had another post scheduled for today but after reading some blogs by couples are looking to adopt and watching a music video I knew in my heart that I needed to post this. As I am writing this I am crying but it is something that I hope will help heal me in time.

It is national adoption month and it has hit me hard. I have found blogs of great couples looking to adopted and I can’t help but get sad when I read them. I feel so bad for them and yet it brings my own pain of being a birth mom up again. It is something I haven’t totally dealt with because it hurts and no one likes to hurt. I can’t believe my daughter is 6. Right now it seems like just yesterday and I placed her for adoption.

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Dear Brita,

I can’t believe you are already 6 years old. I remember like it were yesterday being pregnant with you and you pushing your feet so hard in my side that I would push it back and you would push even harder. I remember the months of being sick while I was pregnant and finding out who where true friends and who weren’t. I can remember going into labor and not wanting to be because I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. I knew once you were born I was going to have to say goodbye and I didn’t know how I was going to make it through saying goodbye. I can remember watching you with your parents and know I was making the right choice but that didn’t make it hurt any less. I can remember handing you to your dad and them walking out with you in their arms. I remember the pain but I also know that it was the right option for you. If I could go through it all again I would because I know without a doubt that You are where you are supposed to be. I hope you grow up happy. I would say and loved but I know they love you with all their hearts. I hope you never doubt the love I have for you. I will always love you no matter what you do. I placed you because I knew I couldn’t give you what you deserved in life. You deserve so much more than I could ever give you! I know you will do great things in life and that is why I placed you. In closing know that I love you and miss you everyday!!!!

Love,
Margaret

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Thank You

9 Feb
Written By

I was driving home in traffic and I got a great idea.  I realized that I need to thank people for things they have done for me.  Some people probably don’t know what they have done.  I am also going to thank people for things that some of you may wonder if I have fallen and bumped my head but all of the people I am going to thank have made me the person I am now.

Dear Josh,
Even though you ruined Christmas for me for the rest of my life I have to thank you because without you doing that I never would have found myself again.  I learned so much about myself and realized the strength I had inside.  I had forgotten how strong I could be.  It is funny to me that it took you leaving me to realize I am so better off without a guy and I really can move on from anything.  This doesn’t mean that I am still not hurt by what you did.  It made me become the real mean again and that is a great feeling!
Margaret

Dear Melissa,
You have taught me so much about myself and taught me better ways to deal with my own depression.  You have shown me that I just have to keep pushing.  I see what you are going through now and how you are keeping your head up.  You really are someone I look up to and learn so much from.  I want you to know all you have to do is call me or email me if you need me.  I read your story about your suicide attempt and it made me realize that suicide is never the answer.  Because of you I don’t even think about suicide.  Thank you for being so open and showing me and others that you can come back from severe depression.
Margaret

Dear Jacqui,
I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to thanking you.  I want to thank you for always listening to me when I am complaining.  I want to thank you for designing my blogs.  I want to thank you for now teaching me how design blogs.  You are such a great friend and I am so glad I met you through blogging.  I know we will be great friend for years to come!  Thank you for being you!
Margaret

Dear Misti
This is another hard letter to write.  We have been through so much and yet we keep coming out stronger than we were before.  Thank you for dealing with me when I am not the nicest or when I am being a straight up bitch.  You are more like family than my own family.  I truly look at your mom like she is my mom.  I know that once my grandma passes away she will be my mom.  I want to thank you and your family for taking me in and treating me like I am family.  Thank you for being you!!!!
Margaret

Dear Family
Thank you for acting like you don’t care because it has showed me that I can do it myself.  I has proven that I don’t need to have people around me.  It has made me into the person that I am and for that I am thankful.
Margaret

Dear Followers
Thank you for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Margaret

How is that for letters!!!!!  Some of them I am sure you are wondering what I was thinking but I am thankful for them.  I am sure I have left out people but I will get you next time I do this.  I am thinking about doing this every few weeks.  It really was fun and it is also nice to thank people.
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Filed Under: letters, Thank You

No Letters

21 Nov
Written By

Friday is finally here and for the first time in a few weeks I didn’t write my letters.  I just don’t feel the motivation to write them and it didn’t help that when I wanted to write them the phones and internet stopped working at work.  So now I don’t if I am going to write my letters or not.  I will think about it on my way home and we will see how this post ends up being!

Well I am home and I still don’t feel like writing letters so this is it for today.  Not much to say today!
Hope you all had a great Friday!

Letters, Letters & More Letters

13 Nov
Written By

Letters of Intent
Dear So and So...
Well it is finally Friday and that means it is time for Friday letters.   This is such a great stress reliever and it is really fun!  You all should follow along and grab the buttons off of 3 Bedroom Bungalow & Foursons and write your own letters.  You will feel better after you write all that you want to!
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Dear DH,
You got me sick and now I am going to pull your head off and kill you!  I mean come on you say you are too sick to come to work and yet you won’t go to a doctors???? I mean come on it isn’t brain science or anything.  If you can’t come to work then you better drag your ass into the doctors and figure it out!
Thanks,
Pissed off co-worker.
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Utah Weather,
You totally suck ass!  Why in the hell do you have to snow on Saturday.  I mean come on there is never a reason to snow in the valleys.  Snow all you want in the mountain but leave us alone down here!
Margaret
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Dear “Cubs”,
Please stop the fighting over the bed crap.  It is big enough for all of us I promise.  If you two keep it up I am going to murder both of you or you will be spending your nights in the cold garage with out a spot warm bed to lay on.
Mom
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Dear Lachelle,
You made it!!!!!!  I am so proud of you.  I knew you could do it.  Now it is time to move on to the rest of training and finish that with flying colors as well!
Congrats!
Margaret
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Well that is all I have for today.  I am sick so my brain isn’t really working!  Have a great Friday the 13th!

30 Oct
Written By

Letters of Intent
Dear So and So...
 It is Friday and that means it is time for letters.  Not sure how good it will be this week since I am struggling with a lot of things right now but I am going to give it a shot.
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Dear Elinore,
If you don’t stop leaving me hairballs I am going to take you back where I got you from and leave you behind.  I am tired of cleaning them up all the time and having to hear you hack them up in the middle of the night.  My room is now filled with stains all over because you have to keep throwing up all the damn time.  It really is getting old very fast.
Mom
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Sylvia,
For the last damn time YOU ARE A CAT!.  Get over it!
Mom
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BCBS,
YOU SUCK!!!!! I am so tired of calling you all the time and you still messing everything up.  How hard can it really be to do your job.  I am running out of patience for dealing with you.  I am tired of calling every other day over another problem that you have caused.  I know you guys are total idiots but I mean come on it really isn’t that hard to get it figured out.  I have it all figured out when in the hell can’t you seem to figure it out?
Pissed Off Customer
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Josh,
I am not there just when you have time for me.
Margaret
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Obama,
You are a total idiot and I don’t know why people voted you into office.  Oh wait I do because you lied to everyone.  You used the fact that Americans are idiots and got voted in and now you are doing things are that against everything that America did stand for.  I think you are a Socialist and everything you are doing basically proves that.  I don’t hate you because you are black I hate you because you are a liar and are going around the world apologizing for us and how we act.  Well hate to break it to you but we are this way because that is what this nation was founded on.  In fact I have no problem with a black person being in office as long as they don’t lie and try and have the government take over the whole country.
Pissed Off Citizen
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Well now that I got some things off of my chest I can now go on with my day.

http://theworldasiseeitbloganddesigns.com/is-friday-and-that-means-it-is-time-for/

Finally Friday

23 Oct
Written By

Letters of Intent
Dear So and So...

Finally Friday!!!  I love writing Friday letters.  It is so fun and such a great stress reliever.
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Dear Ellinore,
Leave me alone!  I let you post now stop the nagging about it!
Mom
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Syliva,
Stop being such a mean cat!  I mean once again you are meant to be held and we are all getting tired of hearing your mouth!!!!  One more thing no you can’t post unless you talk Ellinore into letting you post on Fursdays.
Mom
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Squirrel,
You will make a great mom and will figure out what we need to do to get you pregnant soon.  I know it will be ok and you and Ron will be super happy together.  Tell anyone who is giving you a hard to come and talk to me I will set them straight!
Bunnie
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Ron,
Once again behave cause I will beat you up!!!!!!!!!
Your Worst Nightmare
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Health Insurance,
You still suck and I am ready to blow you all up.  It isn’t as hard as you are making it out to be.  Even an idiot could figure it out faster than you are doing it.  It isn’t that hard if you just use your brain.  Hell we are paying you $190 a week figure it out and if you can’t then feel free to hire me I will do it for you!
Pissed Off Customer
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Work,
You Suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tired And Stressed
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Chris,
Stop smoking it is gross and bad for you.  Ask Josh how hard it will be to quit if you keep going.  Besides the fact that it is bad for your health it also makes you stink!
Loving Sister
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Grandpa,
Stop being so mean.  I mean you wonder why we don’t talk to you.  It is because you are mean and you hurt our feelings when you don’t have any faith in us.  We are doing our best and one day we will have it all figured out like you do.  It may take us long but hell look at Kent and how long it has taken him to figure it out!
Margaret
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Well those are my letters for this week.  It sure feels better to write these and get things off my chest that need to get taken off!
Hope everyone is having a totally wonderful Friday! 
Filed Under: letters, Letters of Intent

A Very Long Week

25 Sep
Written By

Well this week has been one of the longest weeks I have had in a very long time.  It has seemed like nothing has been going right for me.  First the car accident and then the ticket and insurance problems.  Just when things were going good and I was going to be able to afford a lap top for me and I had to go and wreck my car.  I am really having a hard time staying positive right now with everything going on.  I am trying but I can’t seem to do it. 
I called today and got the amount of my ticket it is $120.  That isn’t as bad as I thought it would be but I am still wondering where the money is going to come from.  Guess I am just going to mail the U of U there 75 dollars and not pay any extra for awhile because of the ticket and the money to get my car out of the shop when it is done being fixed.  I know I will figure it out because I always do.  It is just getting hard to know it will be ok when every thing seems to be going wrong right now.
Chris starts his new job as a security officer tomorrow night.  He will be working from 10 to 8.  There are having him work 10 hours so that he will have someone to train him for 2 hours before they leave when there shift is done.  He is excited to start.  I hope that it all works out for him and that he keeps this job longer than he kept some of his other jobs.
Lachelle wrote me, Grandma, and Chris letters.  I was shocked that she wrote me.  I figured she would write Chris and maybe Grandma but I didn’t think that I would ever hear from her.  We didn’t really stop talking on the best of terms.  She was really nice in the letter and thanked me for yelling at her when she was doing something dumb.  I think I was one of the few people that called her on her bullshit.  I didn’t care what she did I was going to called her on it if it wasn’t right.  She knew it too.  She spent a lot of time being mad at me but I knew one day she would realize that I was helping her in the long run and that what I had to say was right.  I wrote her back and told her I would be her friend but I was still going to call her on her shit when she was doing something wrong.  So we will see if she will write me back or not.  I think she probably will.  I realized last night when I was reading her letter that I really did miss her and I miss all the good times we had.  I know we can have more if she wants to that is!